RE: joint medical, and D*' status

Please answer my medical questions, what have doctors been doing with
D*? I want to see records and notes, know proceedures etc. I
want to be informed. Also, when are you going to pick a pediatrician
willing to work with both D* mom AND DAD?
..

When we agreed on Dalton I wasn't aware that your attorney had been
taking advantage of conflicts of interest. E.g. I was furious to
discover that Peggy Farely was a former client of BrAn's. Did you
know this? Now I know why she lied in court and then dropped out.
Also, I have recently learned that you accused me of molesting D*
and told some other lies. Thus, it is unreasonable to expect me to
feel comfortable working with your attorney's new favorite psychologist.

In my opinion, someone should be chosen outside of your attorneys circle
of friends and we need to start together and fresh. From our
conversation some weeks back, it was my understanding that you were
going to do just this, i.e. identify someone without conflicts, and that
I was to be included. I'm dissapointed that you went back to politics
instead.

You understand that our agreement is *our* agreement right? Anything we
both agree on can be done. It was meant as a workable starting place.
I fully expected to see us adapt to changes instead of trying to bull
doze them over. In light of the BrAn conflicts, we can agree on
another doctor.

About your comment of keeping D* in mind - that is exactly what I
am doing. In my opinion, the root of D*' behavioral issues have
to do with him feeling you are not listening to him - especially when he
wants to spend time with his father. This comes across clearly when you
do things like last night. He wanted to finish working on a project, he
called you to discuss this. He called both the home and cell phone.
You did not call back, not even in the morning.

You did not call back because, as you have said many times, and in front
of him, you don't like me and you are trying to minimize our time
together. In short you have been hatefull towards me, even in front of
D*. He sees this, and he talks about it - and he acts out
because of it. D* was upset this morning because you had not
bothered to even answer or call back. He is not happy that you don't
give him his calls or messages from me, or from his friends over here.
They ask him why he didn't call and he has to say it is because his mom
does not like his Dad.

And ..the phone is but one example.

Also, about the photo of you screaming that D* has apparently
seen. This was not on purpose. He is still upset about it. He isn't
upset because you screamed or pushed, etc. He is familiar with such
childish behavior from other kids. He is upset because you are lying
about it. I.e. your explanation doesn't even wash with a six year
old. If you told him that you got upset sometimes, that you weren't
perfect (as no one is), and that you regreted your mistake, and
apologized. HE WOULD RESPOND TO THAT. I'm sure he would forgive you,
and we could all move on.

The last time we discussed D* behavior we were interrupted because
you had not acknowledged receiving email. .. I know you probably don't
believe this anyway, but D* behavior problems clear up a day or
two after we get together. (This makes weekend visits heart breaking.
He straightens up just to head back into it.) I partially suspect sleep
and diet. I don't think he is getting enough sleep. You know how he
never wants to miss anything. Also, he seems more settled after some
solid meals.

But also, there is another reason. D* and I are pretty good
friends. We do a lot together. My chief method for dealing with an
outburst is to have a discussion about what his feelings are, why he
does something, and how such things blend in with school and the future.
**I take his side, because, you know, he is a smart kid - I have yet to
hear him say something that doesn't make sense from his point of
view.** I also embrace his feelings instead of rejecting them. I call
his outbursts protests. That is how we got into reading about Ghandi.
You can change an outburst into laughter that way. He was thrilled to
hear about Ghandi. (I learned a lot too. Ghandi wasn't really like how
I had imagined.) .. He tole me he went back to your place and got
blasted for trying it out.

Also, about D*' behavior at school. This has to do with respect
of authority and apparently your explanation of the photograph. It
seems he is having difficulty sorting out what you have said because he
knows he shouldn't believe all of it and he can't ask you because you
don't admitt mistakes. I dealt with the treasure and color issues.
Your point system and earning of toys gave him a lot of stress, so when
they did something similar at school he freaked out. We now have a
deal. If you or the school won't give the prize to him and he feels he
deserves it - I will. I have made good on this a few times now and it
really helps. You probably saw the glow in the dark stars. Also the
school agreed to cut back on the tit for tat system they have. Also I
observed class. Once when he was contemplating a fit, he turned and
looked at me. That sorted it out. He knew it was wrong. He just
stopped.

Apparently, after this, you took him to Dalton. Since then he has shown
some signs of swinging from sullen to manic. I want to know what you all
did. I want to know about medication if any. I want to know which days
he had Claritin also.

In short you are screwing up big time with this hate campaign. Wasting
a lot of money, hurting our future, and damaging our son. ..Then you
go off and find some sycophant to justify the campaign. You are using
a simple basis agreement as a weapon, and then you innocently ask me to
keep D*' interest at heart. Hah. I can't imagine what is going
through your head, or where you think you are going with this.

Now, earlier you said that arbitration is not binding for you.
Apparently you are arguing this based on the number of millimeters
between your initials and where they are written. Is this still your
argument? I.e. if I spend money on arbitration, if you don't like the
result, are you going to just turn around and say, oh that doesn't apply
to me because of the distance between the writing and the initials"?
I.e. is arbitration to be one more hurdle for you to get your way, or is
it to be binding? If it isn't binding we don't have an arbitration
agreement. And really, don't you think arbitration is in your interest
too? Why don't you want to kick in? I'm tired of this threat of yours
"if you don't like it go to arbitration and pay for it [and if I don't
like the results I won't do it anyway]".

You know, if you grow up, our son will have an easier time with it too.

On Mon, 2004-09-20 at 15:41, H* Lynch wrote:
> O.K., other copy shows that the word "exclusive" is scrached out. If I had known this when we had reached agreement, I would never sign the decree. Divorce agreement was made in very hectic and exhausting way, so I had overlooked this. Well, the damage is done. In any case, the court assigned Caryl Dalton to be a D*'s phychiatrist and I don't have any intension to change the doctor at this point. If you don't agree with this, you can initiate the mediation which our agreement says you will pay all costs.
>
> I really think this is not necessary, because D* is behaving very well last three weeks with the counselling and my care. What can be better explanation than these efforts actually are working with D*, which he had been awarded a Principle's Pride for his improved behavior about a week ago.
>
> Please think about D*'s best interest, not your own interest.
>
>
> --H*
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: tom lynch [mailto:tom.lynch@somedomain]
> Sent: Monday, September 20, 2004 2:24 PM
> To: H* Lynch
> Subject: RE: joint medical, and D*' status
>
>
>
>
>
> On Mon, 2004-09-20 at 09:50, H* Lynch wrote:
> > Tom,
> >
> > As for medical decision for D*, I have an exclusive right. Please
> > read the decree carefully. This provision was made because your medical
> > misuse over D* (changing doctors so many times, making D*
> > going thru x-rays on his head when he was not even one year old....).
> >
>
> We had an agreed settlment, there was no such order based on X-raying
> anyone's head or changing doctors.
>
> I have read it, and I remember the negociation on this topic very
> well. The word exclusive was crossed off as a requirement to conclude
> the agreement. My copy shows this clearly. Do you need another copy?
>
> I have not been included in any discussions over D* with a doctor.
>
> !! Please inform me of what has been done, and what is being done!!
>
>
> > In any case, I have already notified over the phone (few weeks ago over
> > the phone after D* hit two of YMCA counselors) that D* is
> > going to have counseling with Dr. Caryl Dalton. It is so ridiculous to
>
> On the phone you said that you intended to find someone we could all
> work with. You implied this wasn't going to be your lawyer's hand
> picked pyschologist this time. She hadn't worked out before. I did not
> realize D* was seeing anyone. I want to know what is being done,
> what proceedures are being used, and I would like copies of all medical
> records. You may fax them to me (512-233-0770).
>
> Also, D* had good reason to be upset with the YMCA. Children don't
> always communicate in words, but he was glad to explain it when I asked
> him. Your failure to understand or to communicate with him has
> frustrated him further. Imagine having a mother who would take you to
> see a shrink over an incident rather than asking you what happened.
>
> > see that you don't know anything about this, especially last Friday I
> > had a visit from Round Rock police officer following up your "strange"
> > filing against me, that I allow the therapist to hypnotize D*. I
> > assure you that no hypnosis with D* and no medication given to
> > D*.
>
> H*, what have you done? Don't you see the damage you are
> creating? Don't you think it is time to stop being vindicative?
>
> >
> > I think I have elaborated enough, and please don't misuse Round Rock
> > Police Department to harass me. This is being recorded and can be
> > considered as indirect harassment.
> >
> > Thanks for the cooperation.
> >
> > --H*
> >
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: tom lynch [mailto:tom.lynch@somedomain]
> > Sent: Saturday, September 18, 2004 12:55 AM
> > To: H* Lynch
> > Subject: joint medical, and D*' status
> >
> > H*,
> >
> > Note, our decree is very clear about joint medical, and I have not heard
> > anything from you, or agreed to anything yet D* seems to be
> > indicating otherwise. Is D* taking any medication? Is he under
> > going any therapy or proceedures of any kind? Have you been leaving me
> > in the dark about something? Please elaborate.
> >
> > Tom
> >
>
Received on Mon Sep 20 18:51:42 2004