| Buddhism
|
I taught D* the tenets of Buddhism and to meditate. We attended a temple. It helped a great deal especially with
his ADD tendency. Apparently H* told him that meditation was silly. Consequently he does
not do it
when with her.
|
| on Hendrix
|
Early on in the marriage a friend recommended the book "Imago Therapy" by Harville Hendrix.
The book did not save my marriage, nor that of my friend's. However, Hendrix
said something which has held true in every case I have tried to apply it. He proposed
that people grow up feeling some imperative to please their
parents, especially abusive parents. You can see it directly in children. When one is
older this force to please the parent does not go away rather it changes in manifestation.
Accordingly, older people imitate
the mistakes of their parents in order to gain affirmation that their parents were
good people.
|
| advice to D* on not blaming his mother
|
It is because of Hendrix's wisdom that I told D* to be sure to love and forgive his mother.
I told him that the flaws he holds against his mother will give him difficulties later
in life. I suggested that it would be better not to talk badly about his mother for this
reason. This advice may well have worked against him when he spoke to CPS and teachers.
|
| the lesson of towing ships
|
When the captains of two ships find they desire to travel the same direction
it is perfectly fine
that the two should pace each other. Given the weather conditions, ability to communicate
and the predictability
of instruments and course, a safe distance can be determined. However, it is unwise
to attach a line between the ships. If one ship tows another, and the the towed ship
sinks, the other ship may well be dragged down with it. When neither vessel
remains floating
neither can help the crew of the other. The same day I brought this up we also
talked about co-dependency and how to recognize it.
|
| response to D*'s requests for help.
|
I explained to D* that the adults in his life viewed that their responsibility was
to help him, and all that he had to do is to communicate with them effectively. I
told him that effective communication was based on common knowledge, and that he should
find that common knowledge and then work forward. I told him that after that one
must be persistent and consistent in order to be an effective communicator. Namely,
that one repeats things that are important, and that when one contradicts one's self
that it is not clear to the listener what the message is.
As a result of putting this advice into practice D* was punished for talking
and threatened not to write what he thought. The situation
became so bad that the school had to bring in a special ed teacher to get him to write.
I also used the courts and tried to make CPS reports. After the incident with the
water puddle where CPS said it was safe for a child to be in water running into
a live 220VAC conduit they did not accept reports. The legal folks simply exploited
us for money. Religious organizations suggested that we pray.
|
| advice on what to do when they don't listen
|
D* explained that he was punished for saying what he wanted. I found a book on Ghandi
directed towards young people and read it to him. It was on the subject of peaceful
protest. I understand that D* went back to his mother's house afterwards and 'protested'
by flushing her toothbrush down the toilet. This was then followed by each of them
accusing the other of being a liar. D* apparently stood and shouted at his mother that
she was lying and H* blamed me for this. Another punishment for his speaking his mind
appears to have been needles in his candy.
|
| advice when D* was in the ward in Geneva
|
D* was isolated completely for the first week. In the second week we were allowed
30 minute supervised visits. I told him that he had legal rights as a child, as
guaranteed by international convention. He replied by posting signs, writing letters,
and demanding to see an attorney. He was punished and drugged for this. I was
accused by Mr. Lipman of the U.S. Consulate of having 'coached him'.
|
| why this website and dealing with H*
|
I have sent email to H* a number of times suggesting that it would be better for
D* if we were to cooperate. I have pointed out a number of times that escalation
is damaging to all of us.
A number of people have
suggested that we just make peace between us. I gave H*'s contact info
to a woman who insisted that this was the case. She did not get past one conversation
with H*.
Before I put up this website
I explained to H* that she was forcing me to respond to her denying D* access to
his father, and that it would be much better if we could cooperate so that
a response would not be necessary.
Her reply was that she does not want me to see my son but that I should set
up a monetary fund.
After 7 years of this isn't the only fair conclusion that
H* simply does not want D* to have a relationship with his father?
|
| What I have not done.
|
Though I have taught D* forms of communication including such things as theme and composition – I
have never told him what to write or say. Quite the opposite I have always advised
him to speak from his heart and to be honest.
|
